When parents ask about their child’s day, “I’m fine” may be the familiar response. But opening a conversation about friendship struggles, exclusion, or online interactions sometimes requires more than a single question. Small, consistent opportunities to talk can help children understand that their concerns are welcome—even when they are unsure how to explain what happened.

Four practical questions and answers from Dr. Jeph:

How can parents distinguish everyday friendship conflicts from bullying?

"Conflicts are usually one-off instances compared to bullying which is more constant"

Disagreements and hurt feelings can happen within friendships. To understand whether something more serious is occurring, parents can ask about patterns: Has this happened before? Is the same child or group involved? Does their child feel able to speak up or seek help?

How can parents encourage children to share difficult experiences without making them feel pressured?

"Encourage children to let you know what is bothering them without immediately responding with judgements or solutions.  Try to create a safe space where children can say anything and it will be heard with empathy and taken seriously and calmly."

Parents can begin with gentle, specific questions: “Who did you spend time with today?” “Was there a moment when you felt left out?” or “How have things been in your group chats?” These can be invitations to talk, with room for a child to answer at their own pace.

When a child shares something painful, start by listening. A simple response such as “Thank you for telling me” or “I’m glad you came to me” can acknowledge the effort it took to speak up. Avoid minimizing the experience or rushing into a solution before understanding what happened.

If a child is not ready to talk, leave the door open: “You don’t have to explain everything right now. I’m here when you’re ready.” The goal is to make difficult conversations feel possible, without turning every check-in into an interview.

What should parents do when their child is being bullied, witnesses bullying, or is bullying someone else?

"Address the behavior, use others (teachers, school counselors, coaches, etc) to help address this.  Access counseling for your child as this can also be very helpful."

The next steps should reflect the child’s experience and role in the situation.

If your child is being bullied: Listen carefully and reassure them that it is not their fault. Keep a record of incidents and contact the appropriate teacher, school counselor, or administrator. Ask for a clear plan to support your child’s safety, identify an adult they can turn to, and arrange a follow-up conversation to review progress.

If your child witnesses bullying: Help them identify a trusted adult who can respond. Reporting what happened and offering kindness to the child who was targeted are useful ways to help. Children should not feel responsible for handling a threatening situation themselves.

If your child is bullying someone else: Address the specific behavior calmly and clearly. Explain why it is harmful, set expectations for change, and work with school staff to support accountability and more respectful interactions. Keep attention on changing the behavior while understanding what support your child may need.

StopBullying.gov emphasizes ongoing support for all children involved, including those who witness bullying. A report should begin a process of communication and follow-through, with counseling considered when additional support is needed.

Keep the conversation going

Bullying prevention begins with everyday opportunities to listen and continues through consistent adult involvement. Children need to know that their experiences matter, that asking for help is welcome, and that adults will work together to address harmful behavior.

Source

For more information and resources for parents, caregivers, and educators, visit StopBullying.gov.